Shopping With Hiei
by Pooh Bear Is My Hero
Summary: Three days until Christmas, and in order to learn more about the strange holiday, Hiei goes with Kurama to the mall. Humorous, pointless oneshot, no pairings. HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU ALL!


Hi everyone! I pretty much wrote this entire oneshot in my history class (Shows you how interesting I find American History to be), so even though it was written kind of hastily, I hope you like it! This is my first YYH fic ever (I usually write Naruto), so I hope it's okay! Please review and let me know what you think, constructive criticism is appreciated!

Disclaimer: I do not own YYH, and I don't think I ever will!

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"WOOHOO! We made it back in time for Christmas!" Yusuke yelled as Kurama, Hiei, Kuwabara and he walked into Yusuke's house after they had just returned form a mission. 

"Yes, it appears only three more days are left. I still must go shopping, for I didn't get a chance to before we left for our mission three weeks ago," Kurama said.

"I actually got ALL of my shopping done! I even got shorty something!" Kuwabara said as he nonchalantly pointed to Hiei, who looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"What is this Christmas?" Hiei finally asked. The entire room got silent until Kuwabara and Yusuke finally burst out laughing.

"Dude, you don't know what CHRISTMAS is?" Yusuke yelled.

"OF COURSE NOT! I have no time or need for your foolish human celebrations," Hiei yelled, growing increasingly angry.

"Christmas is a human holiday in which gifts are given to those that are close to you, like your family and your friends," Kurama began, "However, it is also a time of year when families and friends come together to realize how important they are to each other. It is a wonderful tradition, but over the years, it has become an increasingly materialistic holiday."

"What's the point of that?" Hiei sneered.

"To show everyone around you how much you care about them," Kurama said with a smile. Hiei pondered this for a while.

"Let's go," Hiei finally declared as he began walking for the door.

"Go where? WE JUST GOT HOME!" Yusuke yelled.

"Not you, Kurama. He said he needed to go shopping, so LET'S GO!" Hiei yelled again as he glared at Kurama.

"You'll be joining me, Hiei?" Kurama asked.

"Yes, I wish to learn more about this Christmas," Hiei declared. And with that, the to demons were on their way to the mall just outside of town.

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About thirty minutes later, the two arrived at the mall.

"Well, where would you like to go first, Hiei?" Kurama asked. Hiei observed his surroundings. He had never been to a place like this before. There were so many people bustling around, all talking at the same time about things he could not understand. He decided immediately he did not like this place.

"You know this place better than I, Kurama," Hiei pointed out as he glared at a child who was staring at him from afar.

"Well, I have to get my mother something first, so why don't we go to that jewelery store over there?" Kurama said as he and Hiei began walking to the store.

When they arrived in the store, Hiei was in awe at all of the gems in the store. There were so many colors and sizes, he didn't know how anyone could choose what to buy. He followed Kurama over to the necklaces.

"My mother likes amethysts a lot, so would you mind helping me find a necklace with that gem in it, Hiei?" Kurama asked. Hiei did as he was told, but found very quickly that it was very difficult to search for something he had never heard of before. Hiei quickly gave up on searching and instead decided to survey the atmosphere of the store.

"Kurama, why is it that this entire store is filled with onna's with the exception of us?" Hiei asked.

"That's probably because it's mostly women who enjoy shopping for jewelery. I've never heard of a woman who doesn't like jewelery," Kurama said as he continued surveying the glass case for a necklace with an amethyst.

"Do you think...Yukina would like to get jewelery for Christmas?" Hiei asked slowly. Kurama stopped what he was doing and looked over at Hiei with a huge smile on his face.

"Why Hiei, you're going to join in on the festivities?" Hiei just looked away without answering.

"Well, I think Yukina would love some jewelery," Kurama said nonchalantly as he began looking for a necklace for his mother again. Hiei wandered over to the bracelets and began looking for something he thought his sister would like. When he finally found a beautiful sterling silver bracelet with diamonds, he prepared to cut through the glass case with his katana to steal it. Right as he was taking his katana out, he felt a hand on his wrist.

"HIEI! You can't steal that!" Kurama scolded.

"And why the hell not?" Hiei demanded.

"Because, it's morally wrong to steal a present for Christmas!" Kuama said. Hiei just stared at him. Kurama sighed. He should have known that Hiei wouldn't care how wrong it is too steal for Christmas.

"Also," Kurama began, "That security guard over there was staring at you, and he would have attempted to arrest you if you did that," Kurama said.

"I could have taken that pathetic guard," Hiei scoffed as he took his hand off of his katana.

"Yes, I know you could, Hiei, but there is no point in starting a riot when you could just as easily buy that necklace with the money Koenma gave us for the last two missions we went on. He did give us a little over a thousand dollars."

Hiei sighed. It would have been more fun to just steal it and kill whoever got in his way.

"Do you need any help, sir?" A woman with a name tag that read 'Diana' asked.

"He would like that bracelet right there, right Hiei?" Kurama said with a smile as he pointed to the bracelet. Hiei simply nodded as the woman took the bracelet to the cash register.

"Well, that will be $42.58," The woman said cheerily as Hiei handed her the money. The woman got his change and handed it back to him along with his bag.

"Well, let's move on to the next shop," Kurama said.

"But you didn't get anything," Hiei pointed out.

"I'm afraid I couldn't find anything for my mother, so why don't we go to the toy store right over there and search for something for my step brother instead, if that's okay with you." Hiei said nothing, so the two headed to the toy store. On their way, Hiei collapse don his knees in the middle of the mall and held his ears.

"Hiei, are you okay?" Kurama asked as he knelt down next to his demon companion.

"What is that noise that makes my ears bleed?" Hiei growled as he looked up and spotted where the noise was coming from. Kurama looked up as well and chuckled under his breath.

"Those are carolers, Hiei. They won't harm you," Kurama said as he stood.

"I don't like them. They hurt my ears," Hiei growled as he got up, pulled out his katana, and ran towards the carolers, yelling, "I WILL MAKE THEM PAY!" Hiei jumped into the air and prepared to slash his katana down the middle of a petite girl, when he felt his katana slip form his grip. He landed safely on the ground in front of the carolers when his sword was pulled from his hands. He looked up to see the carolers, screaming, all running in different directions. He looked behind him to see Kurama glaring at him, his rose whip entwined around his katana.

"Hiei, you can't go killing people just because you don't like their singing," Kurama said as he approached Hiei.

"You call that SINGING?" Hiei practically screamed.

"I don't have time to argue with you about this. The carolers over there are informing that security guard of what just happened, so we have to get into a store so we aren't easy to find," Kurama said as he began running to the toy store a few feet away.

"Well, if you had just let me kill them, they wouldn't have gone to that guard and told them what happened and this wouldn't be an ISSUE!" Hiei yelled as he followed Kurama into the toy store.

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Hiei was not happy, to say the least. What he saw in front of him were games and dolls and colorful toys galore, all things he despised. He decided that if he ever decided to one day take over the world, these 'toy stores' would be the first things to go. Make no mistake about that.

"Hiei, why don't you stay here in this play area while I search for something for my step brother," Kurama suggested, "Because I'm sure you don't feel like helping me search for a toy for him."

"Hiei couldn't argue with Kurama on this point, although he did not know if staying in the play area was the best suggestion. There were at least 6 kids running around in the tiny space, and he did not have the patience to put up with them today. Correction, he NEVER has the patience to put up with 6 unruly brats.

"At least give me back my katana so I can kill these little human brats," Hiei ordered.

"Hiei, you can't hurt these children. You could have gotten arrested for your attempted murder of 16 carolers, and I'm sure the attempted murder of 6 five year olds would not help you stay out of jail, either," Kurama reasoned.

Hiei scoffed. He wouldn't have been sent to jail. Those pathetic humans wouldn't be smart or fast enough to catch him.

"Besides, security is already looking on watch for us now. I know you think that they can't do anything to you, but even if that is true, I'm sure Koenma would have a fitting punishment for you," Kurama pointed out. And with that, he walked into the rest of the store, leaving Hiei in the play area with the children.

"HEY! MISTER! WANNA PLAY A GAME WITH US?" A little boy with messy brown hair asked.

"No," Hiei said brusquely.

"Why not?" the boy asked.

"Because I don't have time for your foolish games," Hiei said, trying to stay calm.

"Why?" the boy persisted. Hiei did not answer.

"I said WHY?" the boy asked again. Hiei still did not asnwer.

"ANSWER ME!" The boy said, near tears, as he began kicking Hiei in the shin.

"HEY! STOP THAT!" Hiei growled as he instinctively reached for his katana.

"_Damn you, Kurama," _Hiei cursed in his mind as he tried to push the little boy away from him. While he was doing this, the boy's mother came to pick up her child, and found Hiei pushing him away.

"HEY! GET AWAY FROM MY SON!" the woman yelled.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I'M TRYING TO DO?" Hiei yelled. After that was said, the entire play area got quiet.

"Ooh, he's gonna get in trouble! He just said a bad word!" A little girl with dirty blonde hair whispered to a little girl with black hair.

"You can't say that in front of CHILDREN!" the woman reasoned as she took her son. As she pushed her son out of the playroom, she turned around to whack Hiei once with her purse before stalking off. Hiei cursed under his breath, trying his hardest to just let the pathetic human woman go. Finally, when he had calmed down a little, the five remaining children sat in a semi circle around Hiei. They didn't say anything, they just stared at Hiei, and for some reason, this annoyed him.

"What do you want?" Hiei spat out.

"Why are you a midget?" A little boy with platinum blonde hair finally asked. Hiei glared at the boy.

"I am NOT a midget," Hiei declared.

"Are you a gnome?" the boy continued.

"NO!" Hiei yelled.

"You look like a troll," the little girl with black hair said, which made everyone laugh. Hiei took deep breaths and tried to stay in control, just like Kurama has told him to do so many times with Kuwabara.

"No, he looks like a toad!" A little boy with short black hair yelled.

"_That's it. These kids are all getting their heads chopped off once I get my katana back," _Hiei decided, completely forgetting his breathing exercise. It had never worked with Kuwabara, so why would he think it would work now, with these little brats, who acted like miniature Kuwabaras?

"What's that thing on your head?" one of the boys yelled.

"It's just a cloth," Hiei said impatiently.

"Why are you wearing it?" the boy asked. Hiei just scowled at him.

"I bet he;s hiding something under it! LET'S TAKE IT OFF!" the blonde boy yelled as all five children dog piled on Hiei.

"GET OFF OF ME NOW!" Hiei demanded, trying to push the kids off. This wrestling match continued for a minute or two until Kurama came and helped Hiei.

"Hiei, are you all right?" Kurama asked once they were out of the store.

"DO I LOOK ALL RIGHT TO YOU?" Hiei yelled in Kurama's face. Kurama looked at the short tempered demon. His clothes were completely disheveled and one sleeve was torn, and his hair was a complete mess.

"Well...in any case, thank you for being patient with the children," Kurama said with a smile. Hiei just snorted and started to wlak towards the exit of the mall.

"Where are you going?" Kurama asked.

"Away from here. I've had enough," Hiei answered without turning around.

"You aren't going to get anything for Yusuke or Kuwabara for Christmas?" Kurama asked.

"Why should I?" Hiei demanded.

"Because they both got something for you, and the right thing to do would be to get them something as well," Kurama said politely. Hiei thought it over for a minute before turning around and heading towards a pet shop with Kurama. He knew Kurama would have guilted him into this anyway eventually, so it was better to get this over with now.

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"Why are we here are we here?" Hiei asked as he ducked to avoid having a bird fly into his hair.

"I told Kuwabara I would get him some food for his cat, so I figured I may as well get it now since we were going to pass here anyway," Kurama said. A look of realization spread over Hiei's face.

"Hiei, are you okay?" Kurama asked, "You look as if you've had an epiphany of some sort."

"The oaf...he likes cats, yes?" Hiei asked quickly.

"Kittens, to be more precise," Kurama said.

"Perhaps I could get the oaf one of these creatures..." Hiei said as he glared at the cats that were in cages.

"I think that would be an excellent idea!" Kurama said, "Kuwabara was talking about how he wanted to get another kitten so Eikichi would have company!"

"So which do I get?" Hiei asked.

"Whichever you like," Kurama said as he got someone who worked at the shop to take out the three available kittens they had for Hiei to choose from.

"But I don't LIKE ANY OF THEM!" Hiei said as he picked up a pitch black kitten, looking at it in disgust.The kitten must have sensed Hiei's animosity towards him, for as soon as Hiei picked him up, the cat bit his thumb.

"AGH! Worthless creature!" Hiei said as he threw the cat towards Kurama.

"Well, I don't think we're taking this one," Kurama said as he gave the black kitten back to the worker.

"Okay, then you have these two left," the worked said as he held up an orange striped kitten and a white kitten whose fur looked like snow.

"Let's just take the white one before I change my mind about getting one of these things," Hiei said as the worker put away the orange cat as well. As soon as Hiei payed for the cat and he got the cat and its carrying case, he left the store as swiftly as posiible.

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1 hour, 7 threats, and 16 death glares later, Hiei found himself all alone outside of the mall. He had bought Yusuke's present from a video game store (a place he was banned from after he destroyed the demo Wii game when he was losing at Super Mario Galaxy), and he bought Kurama's gift from a bookstore after Kurama had left him to go buy Hiei's present. They had agreed to meet in an hour outside of the mall, and as soon as Hiei turned around to yell at Kuwabara's new pet kitten for constantly meowing, he saw Kurama walking out of the mall.

"Well, I see you haven't killed the kitten," Kurama said happily.

"YET," Hiei corrected, "Can we leave this wretched place now?"

"I suppose we can," Kurama said as the two demons began walking.

"Good. Now I'll never have to come back here again," Hiei said.

"At least, not until next year," Kurama said.

"There won't BE a next year for me," Hiei informed the red-haired demon as he began walking faster, "I am never going back to that mall again!"

"You're not even going to get something for Yukina?" Kurama asked as Hiei stopped dead in his tracks. As much as Hiei hated the mall, he was willing to go there if it meant getting something for his sister to make her happy. Kurama saw the look on Hiei's face and smirked.

"Well then, I guess there will be a next year for you," Kurama said as he walked past Hiei. Hiei glared at his back as he continued walking as well. The two walked in silence the rest of the way to town.

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Christmas Eve, 2:30 PM

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"Remind me again why we're going to the oaf's house," Hiei demanded.

"Because Yusuke called me earlier and said that Koenma had a mission for us, so we are meeting Kuwabara and Yusuke there," Kurama said simply as he opened the door to Kuwabara's house.

"HEY GUYS! Sorry, but you can't come in! We have to leave right now!" Kuwabara said as he ran pas the two demons, Yusuke close behind him.

"And why are we in such a rush?" Kurama asked,

"Because Koenma is making us buy presents for people that work in his office for Christmas. We have less than a day to get over 50 presents for the people on this list with the 1000 dollars he gave us to use!" Yusuke yelled as he held up the list for everyone to see.

"So where were you two planning on going to buy these gifts?" Kurama asked.

"TO THE MALL!" Kuwabara yelled as he began running to the mall.

"TO THE MALL!" Yusuke repeated as he followed after Kuwabara.

"All right then, to the mall," Kurama said as he followed Kuwabara and Yusuke. Hiei just sighed. Christmas was officially his least favorite holiday.

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Well, I hope you liked my little pointless oneshot! Please let me know what you thought! Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated! Also, sorry for any spelling mistakes (I'm sure there are a few I missed, there always are!)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

Pooh Bear Is My Hero


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